Time

Time,

It won’t make you forget, but it will help you understand

It won’t make you forget, but it will help you heal

It won’t make you forget, but it will make you grow

It won’t make you forget, but it will teach you to move forward

It won’t make you forget, but you will learn to accept

And as the saying always goes, time heals, I really want to believe that it does.

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Phase or pace

“Everyone has their own phase or pace in life”. Nothing is truer than this.

I usually try not to compare myself to others, because I believe that everyone’s priorities are different. Everyone is walking towards different goals and dreams. But living in a society, we cannot really escape from being compared to others. Sometimes, it’s not us, who make the comparison, but the people around us. So, even when I don’t really put too much thought into other people’s progress (I mean, I’m happy for any good news from them), but because of some comments, there was a point that almost made me feel sorry for myself because the others around my age are one step or even ten steps ahead of me. I thought that this is not something easy to escape from actually. Bitter reality isn’t it?

Maybe it’s just because of the season. After this, I’ll not think about it that much. But then, rationally speaking, I shouldn’t be sorry for myself for not being at the same level as the others. And WE should learn to not take people’s comments personally. Our pace is just different. And everyone’s rezeki are also different. But fret not because God has allocate to us our own rezeki right ? So I guess, I’ll just let this pass and not overthink further. There’s a gazillion other things to think about and to work on rather than comparing ourselves to others. Like what lauk to cook for tomorrow’s lunch or what clothe to wear tomorrow. Yup, definitely much more important to me.

And this reminded me of a verse that someone shared a few years ago, about the phases of life. Where it’s all play and games when we were children, then we’ll enter a phase where people start to compete to be better than the other, and then when we’re old everything will start to decay.

 

Ketahuilah, bahwa sesungguhnya kehidupan dunia ini hanyalah permainan dan suatu yang melalaikan, perhiasan dan bermegah-megah antara kamu serta berbangga-banggaan tentang banyaknya harta dan anak, seperti hujan yang tanam-tanamannya mengagumkan para petani; kemudian tanaman itu menjadi kering dan kamu lihat warnanya kuning kemudian menjadi hancur. Dan di akhirat (nanti) ada azab yang keras dan ampunan dari Allah serta keridhaan-Nya. Dan kehidupan dunia ini tidak lain hanyalah kesenangan yang menipu. (Surah Al-Hadid: 20)

 

Compete with yourself only. Work towards your goal. Judge less.

“Be an encourager, we have too many critics already” – Anonymous.

And you’ll live happily ever after. (Ok, no it’s not that easy actually, this is only in fairytale).

 

 

 

Starting again

I have been slacking off on keeping up with this blog. I feel like it’s actually hard work to keep on posting things here because you need ideas on what to post. Sometimes, that urge to write is just… none, and I just have no idea of what to write. Sometimes, I do feel like writing, but then.. most of them were left in the draft, unpublished. haha. But most importantly, I think it’s because of my procrastinating nature (really hard to get rid of this one). And now I wonder if I should keep this blog or not. Some friends keep on encouraging me to update this blog when I even wonder whether writing is my forte. So, this gets me thinking about what my intention in starting this blog. Hmm… I think it’s mostly because I feel like sharing. Some encounters I’ve had while living/travelling overseas for three years are interesting(weird) and I just feel the need to write them down. Or maybe because I just want to put down into writings of some of the unspoken thoughts. Or maybe because I feel like writing helps me to express myself better. (Shrugs).

Whatever the reason is, I really do hope people could benefit from my content, as I wish to keep it. And let’s pray that I can be consistent in updating!

On a side note, Eid Mubarak! May our deeds during Ramadan accepted and may we get to meet the next one insyaAllah.

 

Ramadan

I haven’t been writing here for a while now. Lots of things have been going around, with masters and other stuff. To say that I’ve got everything sorted, well, maybe partly but I’ve come to a realization that I will not get everything sorted the way that I wanted them to be. Some things have its timing and we can never know when. They say time will reveal. Hopefully.

But on a positive note, Ramadan this year is just a bliss. Getting to fast the entire month at home with my family, is just something I’m really grateful of, and I couldn’t wish for anything better. Though the not-so-fun part is to have exams and so many submissions around this week. But we’ll manage insyaAllah.

And let’s strive in this last 10 days of Ramadan!

 

The trail

Dutch canal

 

As we move forward in life,
we leave behind us a trail that leads us back to where we first began.
On days when you feel like giving up, when you lose the motivation, or when you’re just scared of the unknown,
take a moment to go back down that trail.

You will be amazed of yourself, of how far you have gone, of what you have achieved.
All those prayers that you ask of God, and He had granted you with,
All those struggles you encountered, that you had overcome from bravely,
All those people who had your back when you were at your lowest.

Just take a moment to appreciate yourself, and the people around you.
For nobody else will.
You are worthy of appreciation
and so does everyone.

You will soon realize that there is no other way in life, no other path to take,
than to keep moving forward no matter how hard it is.
And from time to time when things are not okay, you can always revisit the trail again,
just to push yourself a milestone further.

__

For whomever in search of that good old friend called Motivation
or could be Self-esteem
and Confidence.
Once these things are lost,
it’s really hard to get them back.
Take it slow.

All these still feel like a dream

 

All these still feel like a dream. A dream I never had actually because going overseas for a degree was not on my list. It never came into thoughts when I was a kid. Or maybe it was just me, so afraid to even dream about it. And I say a dream because sometimes I truly feel like this has been a journey that’s too good to be true (but not entirely of course).  Nonetheless, I thank no one but the Almighty for this opportunity.

They say for every beginning there is an end – that’s how life is. And that is the nature of every event in our life. As I write this, I have about two months left in York, the place where I started studying almost three years ago. Only two months left, but the memories of when I first came here are still fresh on my mind. How did time fly so fast, and what have I done for the past three years, I questioned myself, and sometimes the answer is simply – I don’t know.

Since I didn’t get to write a good beginning,
I thought I should at least try to make a good ending.
Since it’s impossible to go back in time to undo my mistakes,
I thought I should be more careful of not repeating them again.
Since today, I truly regret not doing the things that I wanted to because of all the ‘what if(s)’ in mind,
I thought now I should just follow what the heart feels right.

This small city holds a special place within, taking up some considerable space in me. This is where maturity comes in, my perspectives widen, answers to the big ‘life’ questions are seen, and where friends become so important since my family is physically miles away. Where family is, what I learnt as the greatest blessing from above, and my gratitude will never be enough to thank Him.

I thought I didn’t change very much from three years ago. But actually, I do, and very much so, I can’t choose where to look first.

A lot of the things you experienced here was your ‘first-time’ encounter. You mustered all the courage inside to overcome your weaknesses. Sometimes things didn’t turn out good, but sometimes they did. And it gets even better when you received more than what you expected – which you will never know unless you try.

You have met a lot of people, of different personality and character. You made some changes here and there to fit in but this sometimes makes you feel less than what you are. You learn to be true to yourself because you live for yourself and not for others. And it’s okay if you find yourself out of place because there will always be some other place where you will feel belonged. In all honesty, you can’t expect everyone to be the same. Everyone is different but accepting the differences makes you handle the situation better.

Time is always going to move forward without waiting for anyone. And they say youth is actually shorter than we know – so remember to keep up and progress with time. There is so much potential in you and me that He has granted us with. And surely they are given to us for a good reason, no?

In receiving, you see others who have less than you. In receiving, you learn about gratitude. In receiving, you realise that giving back is necessary. And in giving, you received something else, a feeling that is hard to describe, something positive, that makes you feel content.

I should say that the list goes on but maybe it is best to keep it to myself. Or maybe if I continue it will be endless because three years is definitely not short. There are just so many memories and lessons that I’ve picked up along the way, making who I am today.

Sometimes I forgot that the journey to get to where I am right now was once so difficult. Dreams somehow could cloud the memories of a bitter past. But just like a real dream that fades away when you wake up, this one is also fading into reality. Nevertheless, just like how there is an end to every beginning, every ending is also a new beginning for the next chapter of life. And so, I began to question myself again – are you ready?

Monologue II

York, United Kingdom

Winter has passed. The three to four months of coldness has finally come to an end. And spring has come, the most anticipated season of all. I feel like the gloomy ambience is alive again with the presence of bright yellow daffodils, and soft pink cherry blossoms, adding colours to everywhere’s view. This is only the beginning of spring but even now the atmosphere is livelier than before. And later, when the tulips and more flowers have fully bloomed and when we can see more of the sun and its radiance, I bet it will be even more beautiful. I will try my best to live in this moment while it lasts. And I will remember my last winter here.