All these still feel like a dream. A dream I never had actually because going overseas for a degree was not on my list. It never came into thoughts when I was a kid. Or maybe it was just me, so afraid to even dream about it. And I say a dream because sometimes I truly feel like this has been a journey that’s too good to be true (but not entirely of course). Nonetheless, I thank no one but the Almighty for this opportunity.
They say for every beginning there is an end – that’s how life is. And that is the nature of every event in our life. As I write this, I have about two months left in York, the place where I started studying almost three years ago. Only two months left, but the memories of when I first came here are still fresh on my mind. How did time fly so fast, and what have I done for the past three years, I questioned myself, and sometimes the answer is simply – I don’t know.
Since I didn’t get to write a good beginning,
I thought I should at least try to make a good ending.
Since it’s impossible to go back in time to undo my mistakes,
I thought I should be more careful of not repeating them again.
Since today, I truly regret not doing the things that I wanted to because of all the ‘what if(s)’ in mind,
I thought now I should just follow what the heart feels right.
This small city holds a special place within, taking up some considerable space in me. This is where maturity comes in, my perspectives widen, answers to the big ‘life’ questions are seen, and where friends become so important since my family is physically miles away. Where family is, what I learnt as the greatest blessing from above, and my gratitude will never be enough to thank Him.
I thought I didn’t change very much from three years ago. But actually, I do, and very much so, I can’t choose where to look first.
A lot of the things you experienced here was your ‘first-time’ encounter. You mustered all the courage inside to overcome your weaknesses. Sometimes things didn’t turn out good, but sometimes they did. And it gets even better when you received more than what you expected – which you will never know unless you try.
You have met a lot of people, of different personality and character. You made some changes here and there to fit in but this sometimes makes you feel less than what you are. You learn to be true to yourself because you live for yourself and not for others. And it’s okay if you find yourself out of place because there will always be some other place where you will feel belonged. In all honesty, you can’t expect everyone to be the same. Everyone is different but accepting the differences makes you handle the situation better.
Time is always going to move forward without waiting for anyone. And they say youth is actually shorter than we know – so remember to keep up and progress with time. There is so much potential in you and me that He has granted us with. And surely they are given to us for a good reason, no?
In receiving, you see others who have less than you. In receiving, you learn about gratitude. In receiving, you realise that giving back is necessary. And in giving, you received something else, a feeling that is hard to describe, something positive, that makes you feel content.
I should say that the list goes on but maybe it is best to keep it to myself. Or maybe if I continue it will be endless because three years is definitely not short. There are just so many memories and lessons that I’ve picked up along the way, making who I am today.
Sometimes I forgot that the journey to get to where I am right now was once so difficult. Dreams somehow could cloud the memories of a bitter past. But just like a real dream that fades away when you wake up, this one is also fading into reality. Nevertheless, just like how there is an end to every beginning, every ending is also a new beginning for the next chapter of life. And so, I began to question myself again – are you ready?